So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
