I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
