I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
