my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
