The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
