whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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