I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What a dumb baby whore.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
