i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
