You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
