Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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