WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
