I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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