Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
