If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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