It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
