What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
