just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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