walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
