he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
