A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
