I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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