Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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