for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
