Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
