just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
