We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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