i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
