i dont even know how to be here
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
