This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
