I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
