it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
