I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
