She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
