all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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