Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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