There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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