You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
