I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
