I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
