So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
