I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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