he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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