I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
