My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
only you would photoshop your dick
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Bring me that man meat
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
