Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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