Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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