sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
