so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
