You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
