Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
honey bunches of taint.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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