I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
