i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize