I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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