I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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