She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
