Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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