Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
