he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
