i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
