Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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