probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my being single is dangerous.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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