I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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