The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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