Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize