Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
