At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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