Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
