the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize