Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
