I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize